Helllooooo Friends!
I am writing on a bit of a natural high as I just watched the end of the Colts vs. Packers game....can you say AWESOME! Luck and Wayne had it going on and I was about to come out of my chair when Luck ran for that first down!! Way to go boys in blue...and PINK~! I LOVED seeing all of those men in pink out there today:) Definitely praying for Coach Pagano and his family, too.
I cannot believe it has been an entire month since I blogged! Life has been crazy busy......as I know it has been for most of you. Davison's regular season football is now over...ended yesterday with a loss in the post-season tournament. He has been asked to play all-stars, though and we are looking forward to that. Can you believe he had fourteen tackles one game?? It was awesome! Davison also turned 10 during my blogging hiatus. Yep the big "you're now in the double digits" birthday. We celebrated in true Wagner style with friends, food, and a sleepover. So bittersweet to have a 10 year old and a 16 year old. Austin's high school team ended their season yesterday as well with a loss to Avon in the championship sectional game. He will have a short break and then club soccer will begin. They are both great boys and we are super proud of them!
Over the last year or so, I have noticed that I have this wonderful sense of peace and calmness that seems to transcend whatever situation I'm in/emotions I may be experiencing at any given point in time. I had noticed the change, but last weekend a light bulb went off and I now know that this "feeling" that I am talking about is JOY! You see, I have struggled with depression (sometimes worse than others:) for years....honestly, I think it's been there most of my life....even throughout the majority of my "growing up" years. Don't get me wrong, I have truly enjoyed life and am beyond thankful for pharmaceuticals; (unlike some popular celebrities, I believe some of us just need a little help to keep our moods even....it's not wrong, weak, or evil!) but, there has just been a "switch" for me over the last year or so. The long and short of it is this....we had some new neighbors move in a few years ago and it was intense for quite awhile! There were things said to Dennis and I that attacked our character and our parenting. Looking back, this, combined with that darn Sheila, really sent me into a tailspin! I found myself "hiding" out in our home and questioning so much!! It was during this time that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and I was, physically and mentally, in a really bad place. After much prayer, I decided to "shake the dust off my feet" and truly hand the whole situation over to God. The rest is history...Glory be!! I'm not saying that I don't have my moments and that it has been easy, but I cannot and will not allow how others choose to see me and my family to dictate who we are and what we do. I just asked God to change my heart, to give me peace in the situation (in my life!), and to guide me.....and I asked it over and over and over and over (you get the picture:) again.
So this lightbulb I was talking about.....at the church house last Sunday, our minister was talking about JOY. I took a LOT of notes! Here are a few *key point*:
1) Joy is NOT happiness
2) Happiness is a result of our circumstances
3) Joy transcends our circumstances
4) Joy is a choice that we make
5) Joy is not a feeling
6) Happiness is NOT a biblical trait
7) Our JOY cannot be based on anything this world offers
8) Our JOY ultimately rests in the salvation we have in Jesus Christ
One of the things he talked about during this sermon was food....can you believe it??? He talked about what a big role food plays in our lives as Americans. When we are celebrating something, we eat. When we are mourning, we eat. Happy? EAT! Sad? EAT! Having friends over? EAT! SO TRUE!! One thing that he said that really hit home for me was this: "Food is a happiness trigger, but it's not a joy trigger." Right?!?! While I am indulging in very little food since my surgery, I still have JOY!! Romans 14: 17 says, "for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." YES!!
Another one of the verses that he listed for us last Sunday was James 1:2-4, it says: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." All through that experience with our neighbors, Dennis and I kept talking about how there was a lesson in it for us...that God was working on us. Yup~! Is God working on me as I continue on this journey that I'm on? Uh...YUP!! It's not easy....remember these two things 1) He never promised us a rose garden 2) Joy is NOT happiness. He did promise us Joy, but we have to be aware of where that joy comes from (see 7 and 8 above:) and be making the efffort to focus there and not on circumstances and "things." Difficult? YES!!
I am very "happy" with how things have been going for me since my surgery on July 16th. I am officially down 70 pounds and have only missed four days of exercise since my surgery. I have actually graduated from wogging to a VERY SLOW jog. Honestly, this is the first time in my life that I have "jogged" and it feels pretty good. I hit my personal best of 50 minutes today. A big change for me is that I no longer have that voice in my head telling me that I "can't" do it....now I'm thinking, I've come this far, I can do fifty more steps, I can do five more minutes, I can jog instead of walking....Another thing about jogging is that I am not as successful at it when I am trying to do it without listening to music. I have developed a pretty good playlist of songs for jogging....here are some of the songs on that list: Ready to Run (Dixie Chics), Free to Be Me (Francesca Battistelli), Gotta Get Thru This (Daniel Bedingfield), My Body (Young the Giant), Home (Phillip Phillips), Moves Like Jagger (Maroon 5), Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison), Don't Cha (Pussy Cat Dolls), Hey, Soul Sister (Train), We are Young (Fun), Rock That Body (Black Eyed Peas), If Looks Could Kill (Heart), and Punching Bag (Josh Turner). It seems like they each motivate me in their own little way when I'm out trying to get this thing done...some more of a comic relief than a motivator, but it all works out:)
Have a blessed week, my friends!
Peace,
K
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." Galatians 5:22-26
