It's OK Guacamole

Whew! It has been a crazy couple of days! Oh, man, who am I kidding? It has been one wild year! I will spare you ALL of the details, but believe me when I tell you that the Lord isn't finished with this ol' girl quite yet. I am beyond grateful and thankful for a God that loves me enough to continue to chase me down and fight for my attention and for my very soul and to show me that He is all I truly need. He continues to ensure that I  carry on learning and growing into the human He created me to be. To know that the Lord has a plan and a purpose for my life that is beyond my wildest dreams is pretty exciting.....and a tad bit scary! This year has been one of much prayer, reading, deep soul diving (I mean, let's not kid ourselves,I'm pretty good at this one!!) emotions, FEEELLLLIIINNNGGSS, a few tears, and wrestling with God on more than a couple of issues. Honestly, it's exhausting and I am spent...BUT, onward and upward!

Have you ever been told you're too much? Too loud? Too honest? Care too much? Give too much? That you are too direct? Too emotional? Too....sensitive? Or as the saying goes,  that you're "extra"? (Side note: I recently spotted a t-shirt on a friend's FB page and sprawled across the front of it in large swirling letters was "It's OK Guacamole, I'm Extra Too!" I can safely say that I have never identified with a saying on a T-shirt more!)

All of these things have been said (or implied) about me. Repeatedly called to my attention since childhood is that I'm just far too sensitive.... also presented as "don't be so sensitive".  Trust me when I tell you that being less sensitive, less tuned in to other peoples' emotions/feelings, and not feeling so deeply is definitely appealing to me! That is, these things sound appealing to me when life wears me down and the lies creep in and take over. In those moments, this feels like an easier way to navigate life; but, then I am reminded that this life is not meant to be experienced as easy and that I was created "as is" for a reason and a purpose.

It was during a recent season of wrestling with God about why He created me this way that I was able to finally fully embrace the fact that He created me to be a bit of an empath. Being an empath has its pros and, believe me when I say, it also has its cons.  It was during this same season that I came to realize, and began the process of repentance for, what a hypocrite I have been! Nearly as often as I was praying and asking God to make me more like Jesus, I was questioning Him on why He "created me like this." I have come to realize what I was really wanting Him to do was to make me more like the world....less empathetic and sympathetic, a little less caring, more able to love on a superficial level and not quite so deeply. What I really wanted was to fit into the world better, to be safe and comfortable. Doesn't sound much like Jesus, does it?

I am working to embrace the characteristics that make me the person I was created to be: deeply loving, empathetic, touchy feely, straightforward, honest, and faithful. Not necessarily characteristics that are given high honor in our society today, but ones that keep me on a path of pursuing Jesus. Historically, when I am struggling with confidence, identity, or a number of other "things", God brings me back to Psalm 139. Interestingly, I've landed here quite often with parenting also. I have always hoped and prayed that my boys would be able to grasp a smidge of understanding of God's great love for them and I believe Psalm 139 paints a pretty awesome picture of what that love looks like.  His love is not a conditional love, it doesn't waver, and we do not have to do a single thing to earn it.

As you read this Psalm, I pray that it will touch you in a way that reveals to you the immense love God has for you. That you will be moved by the fact that He will find you and love you wherever you are, that He knit every bit of you together, that He knows what you are going to say before you say it, and that you don't have to do a thing. It's just who He is.

Won't you walk with me in discovering and embracing the people we were created to be? Yes, we need to self-reflect (Lord knows I'm the master of this skill!) and to be in relationship with Christ to ensure we are on the right path, but can we work toward being a little less critical of ourselves and allow a little more love and acceptance in?

"It's OK Guacamole, I'm extra too!!"

Peace and Love,
Krista

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.